tumors and cysts and dermatofibroma, oh my!
Category: Parties and Nightlife
What the fuck. I really think that something was added to the water of my generation. we’re all sick. in one way or another, something has gone wrong w/ our health. i shouldn’t speak for all of us. i should speak for my friends who have problems. stomach issues, diseases, tumors, whatever. a lot of my friends have such problems that create worry on my part, because i’m a worrier. that’s what i do. i’m good at it.
so today, i got my bump, the thing that was inside of me for so long, ripped out. it started out as a small annoyance about a year ago. i thought it was an ingrown hair. then, as it got larger, i thought the ingrown hair had gone awry. my sensitive skin played a part in my avoidance of the problem. i just figured, i get ingrowns all the time, no big deal. i’ve had rosaicia, i’ve had tinea versicolor, i’ve had a mole removed, i’ve had psoriasis on my face. the gamet of skin issues. so, i brushed it aside.
i noticed it changing colors–like roast beef in the sun, or joseph’s amazing dreamcoat. it was purple, dark purple, brown, pink, mauve, dark brown, blue. and it was sore to the touch, and hurt if i sat on my leg funny. so, when i had my tinea versicolor looked at again, i said, can you check this thing out? they took a biopsy, and she called me on a thursday while i was at work, left a message saying she wanted to "discuss the biopsy" with me. i got this in a message. the red light went off and said "time to worry, time to worry, time to worry", because that’s what i do. fri morning, i call her. "she won’t be in til monday, yo ucan call her then"…."you don’t understand, she has the results to my biopsy!" "sorry, hun, call back monday". fuuuuuuuck!
so, monday rolls around. i call. she has to call me back when all her patients for the day are done. i dont’ think its a coincidence of the english language that patients is pronounced the same as ‘patience’ jesus. so, she calls me back and quickly barks out that she wants me to get it removed and it might leave a scar so another doctor should do it a plastic surgeon because it will leave less of a scar and shes going on vacation and so i should make the appt with this other surgeon blah blah…..
i was like, huh? what the frig is this thing on my leg, bitch?
she said "we think it might be something called dermaglmaljasdjf but we’re worried it might be histoooakdjfljaou.".
"can you spell those please?"
d-e-r-m-a-t-o-f-i-b-r-o-m-a. or it might be h-i-s-t-i-o-c-y-t-o-m-a.
she didn’t want it to scar. "i’m not too concerned with the aesthetics of it, dr." i said. so of course the second i got off the phone, i went online and tried to find anything i could on these things. i got so fucking scared because every website i went to was either a website of the american cancer institute, or some canine website. apparently, histiocytoma is very common in dogs. am i part dog? what the hell?
so, i made the appt. today. they didn’t accept my health insurance, but they accepted mastercard and visa. so onto my visa it went. i’ll be paying this off for a while. it was weird. the anesthesia hurt, but i couldn’t feel anything else but pressure. once the "skin tumor" as the dr. called it was out, i could feel my skin pulling while he put the stitches in. and i looked up and i could see him doing it in the reflection of the lamp. cool.
so, dermatofibroma is basically a benign skin tumor. histiocytoma is a more serious skin tumor, but that’s all i know. i won’t find out for sure till next week or so. wish me luck!
then i’ll go party and dance into the night.
happy birthday to me.
TUUUUUUMORRRRRRR!
complacent 
lethargic 
blah 
gloomy 